Loss of Child

I dreamed one night that dear More was alive again and that after throwing my arms round his neck and finding beyond all doubt that I had my living son in my embrace—we went thoroughly into the subject, and found that the death and funeral at Abinger had been fictitious. For a second after waking the joy remained—then came the knell that wakes me every morning—More is dead! More is dead!

SAMUEL PALMER1

In order to broaden the perspective, I review in this chapter what is known of the responses of fathers and mothers to the loss of a child; and, in the next, consider briefly how loss affects parents, and also spouses, in cultures other than our own. Despite variations both in relationship to the dead and in culture we find essentially the same patterns of response as those already described.

In regard to loss of child the principal sources drawn upon are studies of the parents of children who are fatally ill, mainly with leukaemia. Not only are there several such studies but some of them present data that are unusually systematic and detailed. It has of course to be asked how representative of the mourning of other parents these findings are. Not only is the death delayed for many months after the diagnosis is reached but the age-range of the children whose parents have been studied is restricted, the great majority being between eighteen months and ten years. Nevertheless, in so far as information from other sources and in regard to other age groups is available, it appears to be highly consistent. That relating to stillbirth and the deaths of young babies is referred to at the end of the chapter.

Naturally, in carrying out these studies all the same professional sensitivity and ethical safeguards are necessary as in the studies of widows and widowers.