This paper has been a discussion of the development of tenderness in a young male child with narcissistic and schizoid features. Matthew moved from an obsessive concern with himself to more relatedness to others. His wish to control relationships became intensified and this can be viewed as necessary when narcissistically orientated patients allow themselves to become more vulnerable. With this come spontaneous expressions of idealization, tenderness and concern for others, the very crucial preconditions of adult love.