Pathogenicity of Parental Preference*

Few psychologic constellations are more prevalent or consistently pathogenic in its effects than preference by a parent of one child over another. This phenomenon is the major theme of this paper, although preference of a child over a spouse will also be considered.

Parents express favoritism in various overt acts and attitudes of partiality shown by affection, intimacy, admiration, and interest. Preferred and nonpreferred children soon learn which one has greater value to the parents, and each child suffers by it. I am not suggesting that parents respond to their children with unvarying sameness. Every human being has an individuality. In normal circumstances, parents relate differently but appropriately to the uniqueness of each of their children without assigning greater value to one over another.

In a context of favoritism, specific personality characteristics tend to develop. Preferred children usually become grandiose on the one hand, and subject to easily triggered guilt feelings on the other. I have found it useful to conceptualize grandiosity as of two types: primary and secondary. In primary grandiosity the individual has a basic belief that he is truly superior to his peers, as seen among royalty who are brought up to think that way of themselves—a belief continuously confirmed and reinforced by the surrounding society. Secondary grandiosity is compensatory. It is an outgrowth of reparative maneuvers in a defense against feelings of inferiority. Preferred children have a primary grandiosity not