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Mahler (1975) has described a phase in the separation-individuation of toddlers called rapprochement. Observation of children in a nursery setting shows that after a period of exploration on their own, they need to psychologically refuel through periodic return to the mother. This going and coming back is repeated many times before the child feels comfortable being separate for extended periods.
What is not clear is whether this psychological process ends in early childhood. For some authors, the separation process is a model of developmental tasks at every point of change in life (Mann, 1973). Certainly, adolescence in particular has been described as a second separation-individuation (Blos, 1962), an alteration between autonomous behavior and running back to the protection of the family.
The phenomenon of rapprochement continues to be crucial in the post-adolescent period. After leaving the parental home, either on one's own, or with a mate, the young adult makes periodic visits home, with the same refuelling purpose as the toddler's dash back into mother's arms. It is striking to see how an adult in the mid-twenties will regress with his parents, expecting to be indulged, while reactivating all his old conflicts. These visits can be on a weekly basis if the young person lives in the same city, but even the less frequent trips of those living far away have deep psychological significance. Any therapist treating this age group knows well how every visit to the parental home stirs up conflictual material, and it is often a sign of readiness for termination in psychotherapy when going home becomes a calm, reasonably pleasant experience.
The need for continued rapprochement and the conflicts arising