Boundaries, Autonomy and Aggression: An Exploration of Women's Difficulty with Logical, Abstract Thinking

In this paper I address a problem, raised by several of my women patients, that I believe is not restricted to a patient population but exists in the female population at large. These women complain of difficulty thinking in a logical, abstract, linear way about ideas and issues. In the course of my exploration I suggest these basic sources of the difficulty: the gender-linking of cognitive skills and the hobbling of female children by a common, gender-defined boundary with their mothers. In addition I explore several underlying interrelated issues: in girls, the aggressive drive, which is necessary for both separation and individuation, is handled in particular overt and covert ways by parents, making it more difficult for a girl to differentiate herself from her mother; and the ability to differentiate and separate subsumes the ability to “know” whether emotionally or cognitively. While diffused boundaries help a woman to be more empathic, they also make her less secure in herself as her own person and therefore less free to think or to act.

I suggest that in the course of development girls are, wittingly and unwittingly, held back from learning cognitive skills, which are not only given to, but demanded of, and rewarded in boys. For example, a patient, five months pregnant, expressed this attitude: “I'm appalled to realize that I think it will be much more work to raise a boy. I keep thinking that when we walk on the beach, I'll have to know all the names of all the flowers. It doesn't feel like I