Commentary on “Freud's Wife” by David Galef and Harold Galef

The authors of this provocative and well-written paper, “Freud's Wife,” throw light on Freud's characterological narcissism as it was manifest in his relationship to his wife, Martha. In this paper we see the demand he made on women in general to cater to that narcissism—to function as his “self-object.” Therapists who work with couples observe the crossed transferences in the marital dynamics—the husband's transferences to his wife and hers to him as well as how they activate one another. The authors of the paper make it possible for us to speculate upon these dynamics. Freud had to possess and control his object. Martha had to choose between him and family. He created a triangle analogous to the oedipal triangle and put her in the same dilemma as the oedipal child who is forced to choose between mother and father. When she did not submit to his unreasonable demand, his fantasy of her as a replacement for his idealized and idealizing mother was destroyed. With her holding to her own wishes, Martha fell from grace in his eyes.

Freud preferred someone delicate whom he could control and take care of. This is not an uncommon marital situation in which the husband wants the woman to be weak and dependent so she will never leave him. His weakness and dependence is projected to her so he can be the strong one. The dynamic of projective identification is frequently seen in such marriages. In some situations the wife, who must be the vessel into which weakness is projected, actually loses self-confidence and appears to be the person he needed her to be. In these cases, more often than not, the husband then comes to resent the burden his wife has become—a burden he helped create. Martha did not cooperate in playing out this defensive dynamic with her husband. This speaks to her psychological health.

Freud demanded that Martha function as his self-object in many ways and he wanted her to reenact with him the same set-up he had with his mother— that he be the chosen one who coul