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Noted gay psychoanalyst Richard Isay writes in his introduction to his third book (Being Homosexual, , and Becoming Gay, , are his first two books) that
this book is about the importance of romantic love for gay men and the difficulty many have in finding or sustaining it. The sustained devotion of one person is especially important to gay men who have been rejected or misunderstood by either or both parents in childhood and then by their peers during adolescence. As adults, they usually discover that their capacity to experience or express need is now inhibited and their ability to accept another's love becomes more difficult with every passing year.
Isay fills the pages of his brief book with clinical vignettes from his practice of thirty-plus years to underscore each of his points. The seven chapters comprising this quick read are the following: the problem of romantic love, why it is difficult to need love, love and sex in adult gay relationships, falling in love, staying in love, how therapy works, and the therapeutic power of love.
The current attention to whether or not gay men and lesbians should be allowed to marry is part of the book's relevance. Isay asserts,
Gay men and lesbians should have the same legal, financial, and social protections of their committed relationships that heterosexuals do. They should not only be permitted to marry—they should be encouraged to do so. Marriage gives two people who are striving to remain together the sense that their relationship has a special, extraordinary significance. It is a familiar structure within which they can experience and express their love and regard for one another and make the day-to-day accommodations and compromises that all intimate relationships demand. The absence of this structure and of the incentives and the social endorsement for committed relationships contributes to the experience of many gay couples that their relationships are second best. As a result, they make less of an effort to nurture th