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I had thought of titling my paper “The Man Who Didn't Want to Be Called a Man.” Note the wording—the problem to be considered here is not bedrock—not a fundamental problem of sexual identity, of not being a man or even of being effeminate, for while Mr. D presented himself as frumpy and dishevelled and refused to wear a suit, being with him, I almost always felt very much in the presence of someone male—but a problem, which Mr. D would actively protest, of being called or identified as a man. Similarly, Mr. D much preferred believing himself to be a person devoid of feelings, or at least unable to remember them, to having to live life as a person experiencing love, hate and, most difficult for him, sadness or loss. While I anticipate learning much that will be unexpected from Dr. Stein's discussion, I shaped this presentation with the intent of following two lines of inquiry. First, and most central, of these are Mr. D's multiple identifications and his particular inability to integrate them; and second, is the relation between Mr. D's intrapsychic life and his marriage. During this brief period of analysis Mr. D's marriage improved radically. I was often reminded during this treatment of Dr. Stein's 1956 paper on the “Unconscious Meaning of the Marital Bond,” which helped me become very curious about the nature of what was transpiring dynamically. (It should be noted that Mr. D's history has been extensively disguised.)
Mr. D initially sought once-a-week psychotherapy for relief from physical pains which had troubled him for over thirty years. He reported recurrent depressions, a dissatisfaction with his marriage, particularly about his wife's frigidity, and a long history of infidelities. A