Metamorphosis: Puberty and Psychotherapy: (Diary Notes in Treatment)

Margot has long considered herself as one of “the exceptions”, as if she too could say, “‘Nature has done me a grievous wrong in denying me the beauty of form which wins human love. Life owes me a reparation for this, and I will see that I get it. I have a right to be an exception, to disregard the scruples by which others let themselves be held back. I may do wrong myself, since wrong has been done to me.’” (S. Freud, 1916). Margot is sardonic and cutting in wit, disdainful and condescending of others’ dress, manners or mannerisms, and in this her intellectual brilliance has had a peculiar, if circumscribed, survival value. Her concomitant pride, indeed her narcissistic investment, in the conciseness, clarity and logic of her own thought provided a tenuous introduction to her own therapy, and eventually a viable, if tortuous avenue along which she could extend her beginning insight. After two earlier “failures” with therapy, Margot's interest in trying again was less than enthusiastic. Yet her present venture into therapy had one distinct and dynamically important support; viz., the extreme barrenness of her day-to-day life, and the special status consequent on her frequent trips from a rural boarding school into the city for her therapy. Initially, her therapist was a paid audience, gradually her “being”, her slave, then tenuously, tentatively, her therapist.

This paper is a brief resume of Margot's first two introductory years of psychotherapy. The Diary Notes that follow were part of Margot's explorations of both herself and her capacity to re-establish relationships of significance. The Notes proved a transient, yet most helpful mode of communication, and they are discussed largely in terms of their relevance to technical management. Yet they also have a charm and an insight that parallel those of a better known author (Bonaparte, 1950). In addition, these Notes provide an illustration of the considerable complexities that derive from any attempt at direct diagn