The Monster and the Ballet Dancer: A Four-Year-Old's View of Sexual Abuse

Working with children in care can be a traumatic experience in itself for those working and caring for them. These children have often had so many hurtful and indigestible experiences that it is difficult for the carers to absorb the painful facts of their short existences, let alone allow some room for the children to share their view of these happenings. When working with these children, I am constantly reminded of how we push out of our minds their sad histories. At the same time we cannot, nor should we, be so mindful of the past that we make our present immediate contact with them devoid of spontaneity. Still, I cannot help noticing that, most frequently, the workers — myself included — have a strong tendency to operate exclusively in the present. At case reviews or anytime when a child's behaviour is discussed, one gets easily caught in perplexity and a sense of the mysteriousness of childish actions when all too often the reason for the actions is blindingly clear from the child's past history.

“She makes such a fuss at bedtime”, we say with exasperation, for at that moment we have split off the knowledge, discussed at the last meeting, that mother used to leave her alone at night locked in her room. And if we remember, we can then feel guilty and inadequate. This is never more true than with sexually abused children. Sexual abuse of a child is a fact so riven with anxieties that our own intense feelings can throw us off balance. In social services and child guidance clinics there are an increasing number of sexually abused children referred. I have noticed that it is difficult to steer a course between an obsessive sort of preoccupation with the sad facts of their sexual abuse—a sort of sensationalism which can serve to defend us against anxiety—and an ignoring or dismissing of a child's exploitation which really amounts to denial. We waiver too between over-identification where we can leave ourselves at the mercy of our own feelings of anger and