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This paper is adapted from a presentation first given at the 2017 Association of Child Psychotherapists (ACP) Conference. We hope to give a feel of our work as psychoanalytic child psychotherapists working in a Tier 4 national assessment service for gender variant children and connect with our colleagues working therapeutically with these families in Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) and other settings. Gender variance does not have a single cause, or straightforward developmental pathway; rather it is a complex interplay of multiple factors, akin to sexuality in the diverse manifestations and ‘tributaries’ taken. This paper is given as a plea for complexity, to counter the current intense focus on gender identity and the consequent reductionism this can lead to. To this end, three case studies from the clinic, taken from Under Five, Latency and Adolescent phases of development, are explored. The complexity of the cases is then discussed, followed by parallel issues of development, divergence and difference. These three ‘average’ cases from the Gender Identity Development Services (GIDS) serve to demonstrate the need for child psychotherapy as part of multi-disciplinary thinking about gender variance and how attention must be maintained to each unique story and process of identity development; as well as our clinical task to establish and encourage depressive functioning and secondary processes where possible.