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This paper explores certain patterns of relating that emerge in psychoanalytic parent work with parents of young people hospitalised for an eating disorder. The author links these concepts with psychoanalytical theory that has arisen from her work with young people with eating disorders. There is a particular focus on the concepts of splitting, avoidance of help, and a difficulty in digesting emotional experiences. Two short term pieces of clinical work with two parent couples are used to illustrate these concepts.