The Contribution of Attachment Research to My Clinical Work with Parents of School-Aged Children

John, a 9-year-old boy, steals from the lockers of other kids at school. He acquires small items, a deck of cards, someone's new C.D., a favorite autographed baseball. He is threatened with suspension and his enraged parents are locked in a battle with the school, convinced that the school's failure to meet their son's educational needs are at the root of his current behavior difficulties. In our first consultation, John's parents tell me their story, with more outrage than sorrow. As he talks, Dad's anger escalates to fury, and his intensity frightens me. The school has labeled John a troublemaker, an aggressive kid, citing his tendency to lose control and get into fights on the playground. His parents tell me how bright he is, above average in intelligence, though Mom admits he's verbally not very expressive. Despite instituting remediation for a suspected learning disability, and medication for attention deficit disorder, things in fact had gone from problematic to worse during the past year. John had been belligerent with his tutor, and the school was refusing to believe he had any learning disabilities. As they were describing all this, his parents, barely able to disguise their longstanding marital difficulties, began to fight, Mom accusing Dad of pressuring John too much about his work, Dad complaining furiously that Mom is too soft and coddling of the boy. They mention in passing that they have been in marital treatment for years, with Dad in particular expressing his gratitude for the understanding he has received. He likes and believes in therapy. As the session draws to a close, Mom comments in an ingratiating manner that she knows I won't mind that she has borrowed my most recent copy of a waiting room magazine, which is already in her oversized purse. I reply that I appreciate her mentioning this, but in fact I request that people not remove copies, as I as well as others might like to read the magazine.

The opening moments with John's parents have taugh