The Increasing Differentiation and Nontransferability of Ways of Being Together1

I want to address what I refer to as the specific-fittedness and thickness of infant-mother (adult) relationships. They are two of the characteristics that make relationships unique. Specific-fittedness and thickness are generated by mutual regulation of relational affects and intentions (Sander 1977, Tronick 1989, 2002b). Mutual regulatory processes have led me to hypothesize that relationships become increasingly differentiated from one another as the infant/child regulates the interactions with different people over time. An implication of the differentiation hypothesis is that the unique ways of being together with one person are nontransferable to the ways of being with another person. As a consequence I have come to realize that increasing differentiation and nontransferability strongly challenge the hypothesis from attachment theory that the primary attachment (likely the most differentiated of all relationships and therefore the relationship that is the most nontransferable way of being together) serves as a prototype for the ways of being with others. Following this discussion, in part because of the excellent papers that have been presented by Mary Jo Ward and Diana Diamond and colleagues, I want to talk about the categories of the qualities of attachment and the need, to focus on the details of the process of relationship formation. I see the process of relationship formation as a co-creative process of creating ways of being together by the mutual exchange of affect and relational intentions (Tronick 2001, 2002b).

Many of you know that the focus of my work has been on the microanalysis of social-emotional exchanges and the affective and relational processes that take place, which may lead to the formation of relationships as