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DAVID IS A CHILD FROM A DIVORCED LESBIAN FAMILY. HE WAS conceived with the sperm of an anonymous donor found informally through the mothers' social networks. Later, by accident, due to the seemingly zero degrees of separation in the local gay and lesbian community, this man was identified to the mothers as David's donor, but he has no relationship with the family. David has an older brother, Joshua, to whom he has no genetic ties. Joshua was conceived with the help of a known donor, Fred, a gay friend of Sylvia's, one of the mothers. Fred has stepped in to be more than a donor but rather a father to both Joshua, his biological son, and David, to whom he has no biological relationship. By fluke, Fred is actually an acquaintance of David's donor. Sylvia is the biological mother of Joshua. Natalie is the biological mother of David. Natalie has adopted Joshua, but Sylvia has not adopted David, as Sylvia and Natalie's relationship began to deteriorate during Natalie's pregnancy and terminated when David was only five months old. It is daunting to explain all this, let alone expect a reader to hold it in mind. Yet David and his family live seamlessly within this complex, innovative family formation in a fertile new world.
I began seeing David when he was five. It is now eight years later and I have been invited to attend his Bar Mitzvah ceremony, which I do. On the bema to celebrate with him are his two mothers, his nonbiological maternal grandmother (Sylvia's mother), his nonbiological father, and his
nonbiological grandfather, Fred's father. His biological grandparents on Natalie's side are deceased. While Fred is the only one who explicitly addresses the “alternative” nature of their family in his Bar Mitzvah blessings to David, all of his three parents independently highlight David's Jewish heritage and the family legacy he carries from his three parents' Jewish ancestors. His donor is not Jewish. In his Bar Mitzvah speech, David offers a moving tribute