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Fantasies about the ideal child are likely common to all parents. Most of these fantasies exist in the realm of unformulated experience (Stern, 1997), yet they impact how we parent. They affect our expectations of the self as parent and one's child. Disillusionment is part of this process as it contributes to the process whereby the parent comes to terms with who their child is as a unique individual. Thus, inherent in this process is mourning as a parent accepts characteristics in one's child that may not meet a parent's “ideal” expectations. The parent needs to be able to cope with this experience and still maintain trust and belief that the child will be able to “be okay” and have a satisfactory life even though the child may try different ways of being than the parent would want. This is a normal process of parenting, yet what happens when the disillusionment is so large that the parent becomes too anxious and worried, for example, when the child has a disability, be it emotional, intellectual, or physical? This paper will explore this aspect of parenting and the implications for parents with special needs children. Specifically this paper will explore work with mothers who have children with problems with emotional regulation, significant learning problems, or medical problems; their coming to terms with their child's special needs; and the impact on the mother's self-concept and unresolved conflicts. Thus the focus will be not about “parenting skills” but rather about the psychological processes within the mother as she comes to terms with who her child is. This paper is limited to the psychological processes of mothers for purposes of clarity, and this limitation is not in any way intended to minimize or devalue the impact or processes that are occurring in fathers or other members of the family and the dynamics of family life. These other important processes are not addressed as the uniqueness and complexity of each one of these areas warrants a separate paper. Jacobs (2006) notes that “in recent decades, the influence of attachment theory, relational theories, and infant research has shifted therapeutic focus from a one-person to a two-person psychology. Dyadic relational patterns and the intersubjective nature of experience have assumed prominence in the ways in which analysts conceptualize disturbance and intervention” (p. 226). Parent centered work has, therefore, become increasingly recognized as an important aspect of treatment with children and adolescents.