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The Fates lead the willing,
But drag the unwilling.
CLEANTHES (from Jung 1909)
One of my patients recently asked, ‘Will it (homophobia) ever get better?’ He was referring to homophobia manifested specifically in the current tempest in American politics surrounding the notion of gay marriage. Toni Heineman brings a welcome examination of gay parenthood in her reflective article about non-traditional families. She raises interesting theoretical questions concerning the Oedipus complex, superego development, and institutional homophobia within psychoanalysis. Heineman wonders whether the developmental shift from dyadic into triadic relationships depends upon the sexual orientation of the parents, and concludes that it does not. Instead, she conceptualizes the main cognitive and emotional readjustments of the Oedipal period as focused on ‘the child's acceptance of the immutability of generations and the child's recognition that children are excluded from the world of adult sexuality’ (p. 99). One can especially appreciate Heineman's openness to this topic, when, for example, she describes the theoretical contradictions she encountered: ‘More often than not, I found myself lost …’ (p. 100). Indeed, suddenly discovering oneself lost often typifies how journeys unfold.
Heineman's section entitled ‘Theoretical homophobia’ observes that consideration of the interactive links between sexual orientation, gay parenting, and child development has not made its ‘way into the mainstream of psychoanalytic discourse’ (ibid.). Her understanding of this omission highlights three historical problem areas in psychoanalytic thinking: denial, hostility, and outright bias. She notes that closeted gay