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The relational psychoanalyst, Joyce Slochower’s (2017) most recent paper, ‘Going too far: relational heroines and relational excess’ is an exploration of theoretical assumptions, principles, psychoanalytic ideals and visions. Following an historical review of relational psychoanalysis, she considers the excesses and limitations, including the false dichotomies and caricatures, in relational work. The topics of multiplicity, self states and enactments, and the notion of aloneness within the relational space provide valuable clinical insights. Slochower uses the relational heroine, (an archetypal image perhaps synonymous to the Good Mother), to illustrate her points. Rather than an over-identified or enthusiastic embrace of our chosen psychoanalytic model, Slochower suggests ‘reflective self-restraint’. As an analytic attitude, Jung’s reflective instinct comes to mind. Slochower invites us to consider what is over-grown and in need of professional pruning, clarification and/or refinement. Education is a fundamental factor to establish this groundwork and Slochower recommends ‘we expose our students to a nuanced training