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A single man who wanted to work with a woman so he could be prepared for marriage entered one of my groups ten years ago. He said he wanted to learn to express anger. During the first sessions he seemed to express nothing else. He complained about what was said and he ranted about what was not said. He spoke of the group members as wrong and stupid and of the analyst as the worst of all. Group members were puzzled by his repetitiveness, but when they asked about this venting of spleen, he expressed surprise. “What else would a successful group member do?” Within several weeks he recognized that other kinds of communication were taking place in the group. Not clear about the difference he said, “I thought that I was fluent in self expression, but you people speak a whole new dialect.”
Like this man, many people come to group with preconceived notions. Some think that it's for people who are shy or need help in socializing. Analytic candidates may come to round out their training. Others believe they may not be ready for group; they say they don't experience a sense of family, or of brothers and sisters being emotionally real. One patient said, “My father doesn't really exist inside me; he is just an idea.”
Initial reactions on entering a group of individuals of widely varying backgrounds, diagnoses and conflicts may be: Do I want to belong to this group? The others don't seem quite right. They don't remind me of anything familiar. It's not clear whether they could be helpful. They don't seem too interested in others. Or: They are too sweet, too ass-kissing, or too intellectual. How can I tell them my personal problems? Behind these rejections of the