Chapter 7 Grandfathers

A man in his fifties has been in analysis for some time and, at some point, tells of the birth of his grandchild in a matter of fact way, making it clear that his emotions are more focused on the details of his affair with a young female colleague. Various interpretations spring to mind—for example, living out a fantasy of being at the age when he had children himself, displacement of his feelings for his daughter, etc. Another man in his mid-forties recounts the birth of his grandchild and does not hide his pride in having this happening to celebrate: disguised competitive impulses with his son or son-in-law, repressed incestuous fantasies toward his daughter might be possible interpretations. A man in his fifties shows intense anger and frustration that his only son has decided to undergo a vasectomy to ensure he conceives no children, which deprives our patient of becoming a grandfather—guilt for failing to ensure continuity of the family, envy of his son (as our patient might have wished, himself, not to have children)? When another man shows happiness and concern over his child, but totally ignores the newly born grandchild, is he holding on to a fantasy of this still being his child, rather than somebody else's spouse and now a parent? And the fifty-year-old who professes contentment at being a bachelor? And the father who voices his distress at the fact that his son's emigration will mean that he may never see any eventual grandchild? Or the other father who indicates a similar sentiment after discovering that his child is homosexual? Or a middleaged man who has been through two marriages and boasts of having managed not to put another child in the world? Are these men only displaying feelings linked to their own parents and their own childhood experiences?

The examples could be multiplied, but the various possible (oversimplified) interpretations were listed in order to show that our usual repertoire of interpretations of triangular relationships can be suffi