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This chapter describes work towards establishing some rudimentary paternal functioning in a woman who, when suddenly widowed, found her defences breaking down. Abuse by her own father had seriously impaired her ability to internalise a benign father and, in the absence of her husband, she could not go on parenting. Her long career as a competent, local authority foster carer came to an end and her relationships with her own children were seriously threatened.
The work described in this chapter is not conventional adult psychotherapy. It began as the kind of parent work which is traditionally offered alongside psychotherapy with children. It developed in a very particular way, and in order to arrive at considerations to do with the themes of this chapter it is necessary to give an outline of an unusual story.
Mrs H did not come to the clinic asking for psychotherapy She did not come seeking help for herself with her work as foster parent to two abused and disturbed children. If there was any motive in relation to her own needs, it was in an unconscious identification with the children. She was in no doubt but that they needed professional, therapeutic help, but when offered weekly appointments for herself, in support of their psychotherapy, she said that surely monthly meetings would be more than enough. The children were difficult to manage but she was very experienced and the decision to adopt them had been made. To her mind, there was very little to discuss.
In spite of her initial reluctance, Mrs H attended weekly appointments and talked about the children's behaviour. She did so very much as a fellow professional, listening politely to my point of view, but at pains to convince me of her ability to manage whatever challenges the children presented her with. She was, indeed, extremely experienced and I found myself full of admiration for a woman who was taking on such a task and was doing so in a way which really did seem to put the children first. They were going t