Chapter 11 Alienating Identifications and Sexuality

Mr Jones sought treatment for what he experienced as his “ambivalence”. He did not know who he was and was deeply unhappy that he could not have any meaningful relationships. At the beginning of his therapy Mr Jones declared that he was gay, but he consistently tried to find out whether he could be heterosexual. Mr Jones’ anxiety about his father’s hostility and passivity and his mother’s seductive acquisitiveness made it impossible for him to find a safe object – either man or woman – to relate to sexually. Instead, his identifications with his oedipal couple led to alienation. He could not satisfactorily express his sexuality or engage in a relationship of his choice, whether homosexual or heterosexual. He retreated into masturbatory activities, taking his own body as his sexual object.

This chapter is a clinical account of how Mr Jones’ alienating identifications undermined the development of his sexuality.

Clinical Material

First Six Months

Mr Jones, who was 27 and single, told me that he was gay at the outset of his analysis. He also told me that he needed help because of his “ambivalence”. He said, “I can never make up my mind. I can never decide who I want to be with, and what I want to do.

I really can’t have any meaningful relationships.” Mr Jones told me that masturbating was the only way he got any sexual pleasure. He had never had intercourse with a woman but had numerous girlfriends when he was an adolescent (13–18 years old), with a lot of violent fantasies. He had a frequent phantasy of women tying him up with ropes. He would break the ropes and aggressively “screw” the women. It was the “switch” that startled them, and their surprised look excited him. This sequence of Mr Jones’ associations points to his fear of being taken over by women and his use of sadomasochism to control them. In the first month it became clear that he was ambivalent about his sexual orientation. As he said, “I can’t decide whether to go to a gay massage place or a