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Courtly love, in flower in the twelfth century when men outnumbered women, was only for the aristocracy. It was adulterous and could not exist in marriage. Askew asserts that this form of love is not a thing of the past and recommends that it be re-examined in these days of sexual frustration.
The language of such love was originally borrowed from religious phrases: the acquiescence of the lady became 'the giving of grace' and the consummation of love was 'salvation'. In keeping with the medieval emphasis on worship of the Virgin Mary, it elevated the status of women. By combining adulterous love and Platonic idealism, love ennobles character. The author quotes from Dante and Chaucer. He might well have used the letters of Heloise and Abelard to point out that the courtly lover is sick, whether his love is consummated or not. He languishes without sleep or appetite until a friend intercedes with his mistress. The mistress is both worshiped and condemned since sexual gratification indicates loss of innocence and eternal damnation. Thus courtly love is an institutionalization of essential ambivalence toward the female.