You do not currently have permission to view the full text for this document. Please sign in to an account with an active subscription or contact support.
Narcissistic Pathology of Everyday Life: The Denial of Remorse and Gratitude. Nancy McWilliams and Stanley Lependorf. Pp. 430-451.
Some people can neither apologize nor say thank you. These behaviors represent narcissistic defenses and are common in individuals without classical narcissistic personalities who use a variety of ways to avoid feeling wrong or grateful. Therapists frequently suffer from narcissistic pathology. The wish for psychological power and prestige draws some to the field, and our centrality to our patients' emotional lives can reinforce grandiosity. Also, since the real gratifications of analytic work are so slow in coming, the frustrations of everyday practice may result in regressed indulgence of our grandiose selves. Using Kohut's formulation that narcissistic defenses serve to preserve the grandiose self, which is without sin or need, the authors state that the narcissistically defended individual often tries to restore an "illusion of perfection" by failing to apologize. Instead, he or she substitutes undoing (e.g., being solicitous), protestations of good intentions, explanations, recriminations, or deflection of blame. "In the absence of … genuine remorse," the injured party is left frustrated, angry, and frequently guilty. Instead of expessing gratitude, individuals with narcissistic pathology substitute such behaviors as approval of the giver with a superior attitude; role reversal by acting as though they were doing the favor; protestations of feigned modesty; or dismissal of compliments as insincere flattery. Narcissists are frequently lonely and isolated, because those who attempt relationships with them end up feeling put off and uncomfortable. As narcissistic pathology is "rampant" in our culture, analysts frequently treat both the narcissists and their suffering loved ones.