The 12 years analysis of a patient suffering from traumatization during his childhood describes how he managed to function by reducing his psychic life and agony to a state of “deadness” while staying oriented upon daily tasks and goals. By opening up to his associations, he gradually came to face his inner chaos and negative tendencies (“hate”). While experiencing unbearable automatic associations beyond his will and choice, he felt invited to attend and revise his judgments on these old—however dominantly influential—fragments and memories. This case study describes the struggles one is burdened with when it comes to an overshadowing hate and unworthiness, growing on a lonely path, and finding new ways which may make relating, playing, tenderness, and joy possible.