An Analyst’s Loss of a Child: A Brief Communication

We analysts who have had a child die have a very particular kind of loss and as analysts we have a particular challenge as to how to deal with this [in our relationships with our patients].

Unfortunately, there is very little analytic literature written about the analyst’s loss of a child, although one noteworthy exception is to be found in a memoir by Kantrowitz (2020). I believe that this and other written reports can accompany the analyst who has suffered such a loss as he or she attempts to navigate the thicket of what and what not to disclose to patients. In some cases, these reports may serve as encouragement and even guidance for the making of difficult individual decisions.

My son’s accidental death was traumatic for me. Immediately after his death, I told my patients only that I had to be away from my office because of a family emergency. One patient, however, had not received my cancellation call and drove up just as I was getting out of my car looking very upset. I did not see him in the office that week but addressed his impressions and worries when I resumed work a week later. He had seen me in tears and knew something was very wrong, and I came to feel it would disrupt our work if I did not tell him the truth. With a great deal

of difficulty, I told him that my son had died. He was quite wonderful in the way he responded, thanking me for telling him while expressing his deep and genuine sympathy. After reassuring himself by asking if I had friends and family around to support me (I answered in the affirmative to his question) and asking how my son had died (a question which I answered), he empathized with how hard this must be for me but was eventually able to move on to other things that were on his mind. I think we both felt closer to one another than before my