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Loss and hatred are two powerful emotions that are ubiquitous phenomena woven into the fabric of coming out and being out. Both exist in an interpersonal matrix where being out carries the risk of loss of connection and mutuality with important others. This loss can result in the internalization of one’s identity as repellent and inferior, a shamed subjectivity. The path to being a healthy, integrated, and openly gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender (lgbt) person is examined theoretically and clinically, with transferential and countertransferential material used to dislodge the internalized belief that being hated is deserved.