This essay examines the psychological, cultural and political consequences facing parents whose children have been victims of death from illness, suicide, drug addiction and murder. The narratives were taken primarily from participants in a local Compassionate Friends [grief] group. Questions explored include: what is the response of the cultural surround to parents who lose their children? How does the Compassionate Friends group function as a holding environment? How can we think about the power of grief overtaking the self and annihilating identity? And what is the impact on identity of a self shattered by this experience? Connections are drawn between the non-Western phenomenon of spirit possession and the phenomenology of possession by grief (and madness) in parents who have suffered this terrible tragedy. Buddhist approaches to dealing with the death of a child are contrasted with the horrifying and disintegrating grief that is so powerful in parents who have suffered the very difficult task of finding their way back to meaningful engagement with others.