This paper uses feminist theory to reflect on the limitations of psychoanalytic approaches to engagement and responsibility. Using Sara Ahmed’s notion of the feminist “killjoy,” it describes some of the ways a feminist approach to responsibility and interactions complicates identifications. As I describe some personal interactions and relationships with my students, I come to the conclusion that engaging with others requires not just a complex approach to relating, but one that can “kill joy” while providing the conditions for a new (and sometimes terrifying) feeling of aliveness and uncertainty.