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Stoller proposes two fundamentally contradictory conceptions of core gender identity. This paper urges that we accept the first, a relational conception: Core gender identity develops in the context of unambiguous sex ascription at birth and the virtually infinite number of daily infant—parent interactions permeated by all the conscious and unconscious meanings the child's gender has for its parents.
The implications of this conception are explored in four contexts. The first shows that a recent case of sex reassignment, purporting to demonstrate a neurological base for gender experience, does not do so. The second argues that children's core gender identities as “girls” or “boys” are as diverse as the meanings that their genders have had for their interaction partners (usually the parents). The third emphasizes the priority of infant—parent interactions in core gender identity development and in the gendered meanings that children's genitals have for them. The fourth argues for the rejection of the “disidentification” hypothesis rooted in Stoller's second and unsupported conception of core gender identity and in Mahler's conception of separation-individuation, which might usefully be replaced by Lyons-Ruth's conception of attachment-individuation.