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In this comment I applaud Goldner’s ability to capture couple experience and dynamics while emphasizing that coupling involves more than attachment. In my view, couple conflict and therapy involves attending not only to attachment, which involves closeness and the threat of separation, but also to issues of identity, self-definition, and shame. I point out how some of the interactions and dynamics in the case discussed involve a threat to identity through invalidation more than to attachment by abandonment. As Goldner notes, mutual recognition between people is the cornerstone of the relational ideal, and it is for recognition through being seen, and validated for which Bill and Jane fight so hard, not closeness. In my view not everything in couples is about regulating attachment; rather everything is probably about regulating affect. Attachment is one, but only one, of the ways couples regulate their affect.