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In exploring the problem of thinking in black and white we encounter the difficulty of maintaining our subjectivity as good racialized whites. This commentary follows the journey that Yvette Esprey takes us on to reclaim her thinking mind and reconstruct an authentic racialized self. In addition, this work expands on the concept of racism as a form of abjection in which the hated parts of self that are extruded paradoxically come to construct the self.