Still Here

Through my mother, I am of the Mohawk and Delaware nations and grew up learning about the significant prejudice she identified with and was subjected to, both as a repudiation, idealization and ambivalence. I am also White passing and of White privilege and as a young child began to understand the intersectionalities. Drawn to be involved in reparative work in a culturally sensitive, informed and inclusive ways is also a claiming of my own identities.

I work in a community whose members have been betrayed by broken treaties, suffered massacres and survived old traumas. These wounds are transmitted transgenerationally. Through the forced and systematic process of colonization that includes the expropriation and decimation of lands, natural resources and entire peoples, relocation and resettlements, came the outlawing of the practice of tribal song, dance, language, culture, and spiritual identity, religious indoctrination, boarding schools, forced sterilization, and micro and macro endemic discrimination, violence and aggressions. All aspects of colonization have sought to erase and eradicate any traces of tribal, indigenous or First Nations identity.

In indigenous communities, it is all about the narrative, the telling of the story and the respect and capacity to show presence … the space of deep listening. “Eddie” a friendly, articulate and anxious six-year old was exposed to domestic violence at a young age. His father was excluded from the reservation and went to treatment. Eddie, at two and a half, was referred to me for treatment because of aggressive outbursts, self-harm, and depression. Our work has been intense, tumultuous, inspiring, heartwarming and heartbreaking. Early on, requests of “can you help me?” and declarative statements, “you are my holder,” see-sawed violently with vitriolic playground assaults challenging my capacity to hold on. Therapeutic growth and regressions mirrored Eddie’s family supports and challenges, and my ability to not let go.

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