Under what conditions might shame lead to an expansion of self-states rather than remain toxic. If shame is to be used as a pilot light to recalibrate the relationship with self and other how can the precondition of fluidity between objective and subjective awareness be promoted. Following an exploration of Anen’s excellent paper that explores white fragility and includes a touching illustrative case study I suggest that using shame productively in the context of being sent a message to check one’s privilege is no mean feat. Furthermore, there is no obligation on the messenger to deliver the message in any particular manner. Nevertheless, how the message is delivered does have an effect and the importance of context cannot be overestimated. The issue of racial privilege is embedded in power relations and these differ according to context and country.