The Therapist’s Struggle to Hold Hope When All Seems Lost

In our paper we discuss the therapeutic dilemma that arises when relational patterns and attachment bonding are based exclusively on positive transference. When the harmful absence of negative transference is overlooked, rage and aggression become sequestered in the unconscious field. It is also well understood in the broader psychoanalytic community that conflict and aggression, when experienced, acknowledged, and processed inside a safe therapeutic relationship, is a powerful antidote to helplessness and hopelessness. We also suggest that an overemphasis on the impact of trauma may run the risk of making it the “essence” of the therapy, unconsciously encouraging clients to feel nailed to their wounds, as if they have completely lost their capacity for self-agency. This is the story of Claire, a young woman with severe and chronic relational trauma with whom Adriano worked for six years. When both Adriano and Claire suffered a loss of faith and the therapy became stymied by its limitations in providing an answer to this dilemma, Adriano called upon the philosophy of Hegel, whose valuing of the restorative power of “tarrying” with despair gave him support and comfort as he struggled with his own helplessness and fear in the face of Claire’s abject darkness. As a footnote, we are happy to report that at the time of this paper’s publication, Claire is now a practising psychologist and has been married to her husband for three years.