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In late January 2024, a patient, N., sought help due to her inability to cope with intense emotions triggered by her husband’s relationship with his adult son from a previous marriage. The son, who lives separately, suffers from a mental illness and drug addiction. The father refuses him nothing and treats him like a child, fulfilling his every whim.
N. moved abroad ten years ago, secured a job, and remarried four years ago. From her first marriage, she has two daughters: the elder one lives and works in another country, while the younger one moved from Ukraine to live with her mother after the full-scale invasion began. N. had offered other family members the opportunity to relocate, but they declined. Throughout this time, she had been deeply worried about them and provided financial support.
Additionally, she donated more than half of her earnings to charity, aiding Ukrainians affected by the war. It was as though she was atoning for the guilt of not being in Ukraine, unable to fully share in her loved ones’ suffering, and for having a relatively comfortable life, free to travel and live without bombings or the restrictions her family endured.
During psychotherapy, it became evident that N.’s mother treated her older brother in a manner similar to how her husband treated his son. Her mother had to send her son to her parents when she was about to give birth to N. and kept him there until N. was a year old. Since then, her mother had favored the elder son, indulging him and treating him better than her daughter. Currently, he lives alone with their mother and struggles with alcoholism. I believe that N’s first marriage was an unconscious attempt to escape from home.
Throughout the war, N. closely followed the news of military events and experienced intense distress. In November 2024, after yet another attack on her hometown, she woke up in the middle of the night and realized she could no longer endure it. It was time to let go of her intense involvement with the even