Reflections on the Good Object

The topic of the good object, its role, reconstruction, and “creation” has always fascinated me. I once believed this subject had been thoroughly researched and described. However, my work during the war has revealed there is still much we do not know. In this essay, I aim to explore one aspect of the good object when a person experiences a loss of safety during wartime. Interestingly, in conditions where life is under threat for a prolonged period, individuals appear to regress to an earlier stage of development. To better illustrate this, I will share a brief clinical vignette.

One of my clients fled Ukraine at the onset of Russia’s full-scale invasion, avoiding direct exposure to shelling. She found refuge and safety in a European country, where she still resides. In Ukraine, both she and I lived in Odesa, a city that, while not on the front line, has faced fierce attacks. Despite this, Odesa has not been destroyed and continues to function as a vibrant city. My client and I rarely discuss the war directly during our sessions.

During one session, my client expressed anger at me for returning to Odesa and remaining there for some time. When I asked what she feared, she became agitated and yelled that I had returned to a “dead city, completely destroyed and empty.” I tried to reassure her by saying the city had come back to life, many people had returned, and we were being protected by our military.

However, my words only intensified her distress, and I chose to remain silent.

Later, in the second year of her therapy, she began describing the European country where she now resides as safe, providing her with a sense of well-being.

She insisted she would never return to her “dead city,” where there were “no living beings and no work opportunities.” When I asked her to elaborate, she explained that her work in Ukraine had been tied to the port, which she believed was destroyed and would never function again. Surprised, I gently explained that the port was operatio