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PICTURE AARON: 45 YEARS OLD; sturdy; stocky; alone on a bleak, burnt-out landscape; his right foot injured; blood oozing from his wounds; his face controted with pain. Still on his feet, Aaron drags himself forward—slowly, laboriously, but always moving in a forward direction. In this paper I will tell the story of my work with Aaron, slowly moving forward over the past two and a half years.
Shame is at the very center of Aaron's self-experience. His sense of himself as rotten to the core and totally undeserving permeates every moment of his empty, miserable existence. There is little pleasure or satisfaction in his life. And although he longs to feel differently—to feel confident, to life himself, and to enjoy intimacy with others— Aaron finds that he is helplessly locked into the worst kind of human suffering: the suffering of unremitting self-loathing.
I should also mention that Aaron is very intelligent and can show a wry sense of humor. He has overcome a number of adversities to marry, complete a graduate program, and function effectively in a well-paid professional job. Despite considerable innate strengths and talents, Aaron is hobbled by the feelings of shame within him. My paper will describe how we have understood and worked with these particular problems.
When Aaron came to see me for the first time, he told me he was referred by a senior analyst whom he had recently consulted because