Epilogue

IN WRITING THIS EPILOGUE, I find myself wearing two hats: first, as a clinician who is reporting her work during the early phase of analytic therapy with a very challenging patient. I begin by expressing my gratitude to Aaron. I have learned a great deal from my collaboration with him during our journey of exploration and making sense of his and our experience. From a difficult beginning, our work has become richer and remains both challenging and stimulating, facilitating my own growth as an analyst. In the clinical presentation describing our work together, I wrote about how “daunting” I found it at the beginning because of Aaron's long history of failed treatment. My anxiety was exacerbated by my own insecurity as I compared my skills with those of the revered “senior analyst” who had referred Aaron to me. In the paper, I described my own sense of anticipatory shame as I wondered if I would be up to the task of helping Aaron. As you may expect, that sense of being anxiously challenged pales in contrast to having my work discussed by six shame experts. Providing a clinical presentation, “warts and all,” and having it discussed is somewhat a humbling experience. In some instances, I look back and wish that I had responded differently at particular moments. For example, I agree that I added to Aaron's shame during the padded-cell sequence when I asked where I was in his fantasy. At that moment, my own countertransference anxiety and uncertainty interfered with my understanding of Aaron's need to stay hidden and disconnected. Overall, however, I am gratified to have my work taken seriously by the discussants and to hear their reactions to it. I personally have learned from their comments. I am also pleased that my openness in providing case material has contributed to a fuller understanding of different theoretical views of shame and their therapeutic implications.

My second hat is as editor of this issue on shame and self disorders. Here, I am extremely grateful to a