I tell the story of my own development from the childhood of a psychiatrist's daughter in wartime Britain, through a brief career in family medicine, to the position of a member of the Independent tradition in British psychoanalysis. As well as having psychoanalysts from different theoretical orientations in my family, I became confused during my training by the different strands of thought and technique taught and promulgated in the British Psychoanalytical Society. For some time after qualification, I took the lonely path of listening mostly to my patients' material as the prime source of understanding mental suffering. It was only after a few years that I was satisfied at being able to connect psychoanalytic theory with what I heard in the consulting room, and following this was further able to explore different strands of psychoanalytic thinking to reach my own position.