I describe my development as a psychoanalyst from my dream of psychoanalysis as a revolutionary movement battling against ignorance and fixed beliefs to finding in Freud's theoretical framework a reliable, scientific base from which I could pursue my own thinking. I trace the evolution of my thinking through my experiences on the training and at my first post-training job in an antenatal department. I give an account of the culmination of my analytic development in my work at Brent Adolescent Centre where my husband, Moe Laufer, and I developed our theory of developmental breakdown in adolescence. Here we pioneered work and research with adolescents in analysis and at the walk-in center.