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Divorce is not known for bringing out the best in people. Sometimes it may seem to be more of an attack-and-destroy mission in which the prize is not a piece of land but the hearts, souls, and minds of the children involved. The “civilized divorce” rarely exists since few couples have been able to deal with their disappointments in the marriage: shattered dreams, hostilities, grief, and especially hatred. Hatred is often double-edged in that it is not only directed toward the spouse, but also toward oneself, although the latter is often subsumed and eclipsed by the former. The psychoanalytic forensic expert enters the minefield with the goal and hope of finding some clearing from which he or she can operate. It is almost inevitable that each party, recognizing the import and impact of the forensic expert's work, will feel endangered and attempt to convert the expert from a potential enemy into a secure ally. The appeal is not only to the forensic expert's reason, but also to his/her emotions. The forensic expert should hate whom he/she hates; and side with him/her. Rare is the divorcing party who puts the welfare of the children first and foremost, although many voice such altruistic sentiments. Each individual's parenting ability is sorely stressed and only a fraction of his or her ordinary capabilities.
To Demby, the term conflict does not adequately convey the emotional components as well as it emphasizes the cognitive aspects of divorce. Although conflict may be resolved to some degree and to some modicum of satisfaction to both parties, hatred is not so easily worked through since it contains both the attempt to separate and the desire to hold onto one's spouse. Yet it must be acknowledged as the crucial element in the divorce and one that can sabotage the most carefully constructed custody agreement, and lead to continual legal motions to modify the agreement. It is the parents' rage at one another, fueled by a sense of narcissistic injury, which u