In this article I inquire into why humans have such devastatingly difficult problems relating to difference by elaborating Hegel’s claim that the structure of self-consciousness leads toward domination/submission interactions and showing how Kohut’s articulation of narcissistic needs reveals a fundamental desire for locating oneself in communities of sameness. I then discuss why the Enlightenment’s strategy of finding a universal commonality among humans is both important in solving the problem but also fails to recognize the genuine difference that difference makes. I conclude by showing how self psychology’s emphasis on empathy as the primary predisposition for engagement with others is crucial in solving the problem of alterity and why it is that persons must engage with difference if they are to sustain the vibrancy of their selves.