Response to the Discussants of: The Loudness of the Unspoken

I would like to thank the editors of Psychoanalytic Perspectives and the discussants, Sabert Basescu, Judy Kaufman, and Melissa Secrest, for acknowledging the importance of the issue presented in this paper and for their contributions to this open and frank discussion of the candidate's anxiety in supervision. They all bring in their unique viewpoints: Secrest makes a powerful presentation of her visceral experience being presently in training; Kaufman presents her experience as a supervisee, supervisor and a keen observer of older, more mature candidates; and Basescu enlightens us as a supervisor of supervisors.

I would also like to take this opportunity to acknowledge again the bright side of my experience in supervision, which I fully share with Basescu (although I assume that supervision has changed in the past fifty years). I had many exciting, connected, and gratifying moments during my training and I appreciate very much all the knowledge and experience I acquired. I did not elaborate on my positive experiences only because they are not the issue I discussed in this paper. Yet, my perspective on the dark side of the supervisory experience has not changed since. This is the reason why I renounced climbing the ladder and decided not to go through supervisory training and not to become a supervisor in the institute I graduated, unless it undergoes the changes necessary for me to be comfortable as a supervisor.

I was compelled to write this paper in order to work through the anxiety and sense of helplessness that broke into my consciousness because of a single breach of trust by one of my supervisors at the end of my second year of training. What exactly happened is not relevant to this discussion, nor are my personal sources of anxiety. It suffices to say that until then my underlying anxiety was mostly carried in my body and I was not much aware of it. I am an avid and experienced learner who thrives on being challenged intellectually and I am not ashamed to ask