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Every child needs to experience emotional attunement and a sense of being known from his or her caregivers. These vital experiences are the sources of oxygen that provide the ability to develop a sense of self, what Winnicott called a “true self” (a concept extended by Kohut to include dimensions of enlivenment).
Nina Cerfolio’s story is an admirable demonstration of how a person who had little mirroring and many shaming experiences in childhood can valiantly enliven the sense of self. Amelia Earhart, the author’s heroine and a woman with similarly early shaming experiences, wanted to soar in her plane as no other person had done before. On May 20–21, 1932, Earhart became the first woman—and the only person since Charles Lindbergh—to fly nonstop and alone across the Atlantic. In her red Lockheed Vega, she left Harbor Grace, Newfoundland, Canada, and landed 15 hours later near Londonderry, Northern Ireland. Nina, the author of this wonderful adventure, ran, swam, and biked the New York City Ironman in order to establish a sense of self-worth and soared, like her heroine, out of the orbit of childhood emotional deprivation. One can feel Earhart’s own words—“the most difficult thing is the decision to act … the rest is merely tenacity”—echoing in Cerfolio’s story.
Cerfolio valiantly developed her abilities and stamina to endure a tremendous feat. She completed the grueling triathlon. But, unlike Icarus, who came close to the sun and fell, Nina’s enlivened self-agency enabled her to form an attachment to a person who could provide the nurturance and emotional care that she did not experience in her childhood (you’ll meet this man, who she calls the “Bicycle Shrink,” in her wonderful story).