This essay seeks to reopen the question what counts as an object (of love) and what counts as a valid and valuable objective (in the humanities classroom, but not only there). Performatively drawing on her own history of wild object relating—with her iPhone, with Freud, with books—the author makes an argument for forms of love and eroticism that do not speak the language of sexuality per se or obey tidy developmental sequencing. She connects this wild object love without “proper” object or aim to the cultivation of ways of thinking and expressing values that can challenge the monetization of everyday life and the capitalization of every facet of human relations.