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While there is wide consciousness of the experience of women being subjected to interpersonal violence, there has been relatively little exploration of this experience for men. The study detailed here explored men’s experience of intimate partner violence within the context of a heterosexual relationship. A qualitative approach was used, drawing on psychoanalytic principles relating to free association and the permission of space for material to emerge, meeting for three individual interviews, over a timeframe of 5 to 11 weeks. Two main themes emerged from the analysis, which appeared to bring together the central concerns of participants: 1. An Unthinkable and Unbearable Position; and 2. Covert Destructiveness. The accounts of participants locate this as a visceral experience, comparable to a break-in or injury to the body, relating to the forced nature of violence and unwelcome affective states such as hatred, disgust, and aggression. The core themes are discussed in relation to the unbearable and unthinkable qualities of this experience and the difficulties this leads to for the individual, wider society, and clinicians. There is recognition here that the dynamics explored may be similar to those appearing within other relationship constellations – heterosexual and homosexual, as well as for women and men.