Tipping and Nocturnal Emission

Some time ago I heard two dreams of a bachelor who lived in furnished rooms. Both dreams were accompanied by nocturnal emissions. The first took place on the night before he moved out of his furnished room and the second on the succeeding night—the night he moved into his new room. Although there was more involved, I said: “Some people tip before they eat and some people tip after they eat.” My interpretation struck me as witty but I could not explain it, and after puzzling about it I forgot it.

Recently, however, it came back to me while seeing the movie of Thomas Mann's “Felix Krull.” In one scene, Krull is a waiter, and as we may expect—young love being what it is—the attractive daughter of one of his wealthy customers falls in love with him. Her father attempts, unsuccessfully, to still the growing romance. Finally, he reproves her and finds it necessary to remind her: “One leaves a waiter a tip, not a child.”

Shortly afterward, I ran across the following definition: “A bachelor is a person who tips after every meal.” Ostensibly, we see no reason for wit. The aphorism has its factual basis. Bachelors must eat out. This much is true; but where is the joke?

I think we can understand why the young man with nocturnal emissions “left a little something.” He was forbidden to fall in love—with his mother-waiter, the subservient and ubiquitous parent of the myth of the birth of the hero.

Tipping is a sign of impotence. It is the “big spender” who has bravura. Yet, curiously enough, we feel guilty if we do not tip at all: “One leaves a waiter a tip, not a child.” We must show some sign that we have understood the great taboo. The symptom expresses the super-ego; it is also our confession. If we are married we need not tip at all.

Perhaps this is why women do not feel the compulsion to tip that men do. And perhaps it would be appropriate to concede with another joke, one of whose roots we may now understand: “Two can live as cheaply as one.”