A Patient in Need of Mothering

Our program today is dedicated to the memory of Jule Nydes, a charter member of NPAP, our friend and colleague, a man admired, respected, and loved by many of us.

I remember Jule Nydes as my analyst, who frequently in times of my personal anxiety came through with a kind, supportive word, a bit of humor that helped to make life more tolerable once again. He was equally at home with a poem, a funny story, a Yiddish joke, or a sad tale. From his storehouse of memory he was always able to call forth something that made his interpretations even more meaningful. He was a man who was given to both mothering and fathering. He contributed so much to so many lives, and, because of our feelings for him, we believe it to be most appropriate that our first Jule Nydes Memorial Conference be dedicated to the topic of Mothering and Psychoanalytic Concepts—areas which he found so comfortable to be in.

Before we begin, I would like to share with you a story that says so much about mothering. As many of you know, I spend quite a good deal of time in free clinics and therapeutic communities. A few evenings ago, a counselor came over to me and handed me a note which was addressed simply To Whom It May Concern.”

I would like to read that note to you now. It said:

I want, once and for all, to admit my need for someone to hold me close. A mother. Or a father, maybe. I don't know whether I want to be close to a man or a woman. But I need someone. This need—no, this yearning, this longing, this terrible aching that tears my whole being—is something I've never been able to accept, or face, I guess. Even right now, as I'm writing to you—whoever you are—

Page 7

I'm not really facing it. I'm writing to you to help me. Because, believe me, I need help very bad. But, at least, at least now, for the first time in my life, some things seem clear to me. I feel this intense need to be close to someone. Such a thing never really struck me before. But there's just one thing wrong—I'm afraid to get close to anyone