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Certain experiences outside of the therapist's office can have an impact on his therapeutic posture. While the therapist at least occasionally likes to divorce himself from his formal work, social or internal demands frequently induce in him a wish to help friends, colleagues, and family members resolves certain conflicts. This paper is an attempt to describe such an experience of mine and to demonstrate its influence on my work with patients.
Some time ago I was invited to attend a bar mitzvah of the son of a close relative who lives in Canada. Although I was not particularly eager to spend several hours in a synagogue participating in a ritual which had little meaning for me, I was looking forward to renewing acquaintances with friends and family whom I had not seen for several years.
Arriving at the synagogue, I was met by the bar mitzvah boy and his parents. They all appeared somber, pensive, and anything but joyous, confessing to me that none of them had much sleep the night before. Jokingly, I said to Robert, the celebrity of the day, “Maybe you'll fall asleep When they call you to the Reading of the Torah!” His parents didn't particularly appreciate my attempt at frivolity and responded with admonishing glares. However, Robert laughed and said, “And I may even faint!”
Although I dismissed Robert's remarks, I noticed about an hour later that as the time drew closer to when he would perform, he became paler and paler, looking more like a ghost than a happy star performer. Because his father was on the altar of the synagogue, receiving an Aliyah (honor) in his role as father of the bar mitzvah, and because his mother was seated far away from us (inasmuch as this was an orthodox synagogue), I took it upon myself to relate to Robert's distress. On being told by me that he looked quite uncomfortable, he responded,